Google's Bogus Remove URL Program

I'm pressed for time, so will have to update this later. The short story is this:

I've tried numerous times, at different times of day an night, over a period of 60 days, to remove GOOGLE CRUFT that garbles up my online identity. Allegedly, once registered, you are able to remove g-CRUFT using this URL:

Remove URL

This Google service says:

Remove an outdated link.

Enter the URL of your page. We will accept your request only if the page no longer exists on the web.

Note: this takes 3-5 business days to process.
URL to remove:
e.g. http://www.google.com/page.html

Remove:
* anything associated with this URL
* snippet portion of result (includes cached version)
* cached version only
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I find it more than interesting that virtually everything with the Google name on it works perfectly the first time, every time, but when it comes to cleaning up CRUFT, it's broken every time, at any time.

More later.